“…We can only love others as much as we love ourselves.”
“Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.” Brene Brown
Loving yourself is often the last thing on the list. We see taking time for ourselves as selfish and self-centred but in fact loving yourself creates the foundation for successful and loving relationships. The better you care about yourself, the more you care about your own life and the greater capacity you have for loving others more completely.
So for the month of February take the time to focus on “loving the one you’re with”…Yourself!
Not sure how to give yourself some lovin’? Here are five steps to get you started:
1. Believe In Yourself
Ignore the reel running through your head that says, “You’re not good enough, you’re not smart enough…you’re just not enough”. Change the recording with memories of things that you have achieved, things that make you a good person, wife, mom, sister, etc. If you’ve only heard “you’re not good enough” for so long and can’t think of anything to replace it with, ask a trusted friend about some of the good things they see in you.
The beliefs we have about ourselves are powerful and affect the actions we take and the decisions we make. Elevate your belief in yourself. You ARE good enough. You HAVE accomplished things and you DO make a difference.
2. Make A Difference
While we’re on the topic…Often when people are asked what they want to do for their careers they say, “I want to make a difference.” If that’s what you want, then get started on yourself. Decide to make a difference in your own life. Start showing up for YOU.
Michelle Obama once said, “Success isn’t about how much money you make; it’s about the difference you make in people’s lives.”
Inside all of us is a desire to leave our mark on this world by making a difference and improving the lives of others in some way, shape or form. Helping to improve the lives of others can definitely have a positive impact on us, but imagine how successful you’d be if you started by making a difference in your own life first. You’d be stronger, happier, more confident, there’d be more of you to give.
3. See Yourself As A Success
Oprah Winfrey says, “There’s no such thing as failure. Failure is just that thing trying to move you in another direction. You get as much from your losses as you do from your victories. Don’t let your life be thrown by a circumstance. Your life is bigger than any one experience.”
When teaching my kids how to drive. I’d tell them, “Don’t panic if you miss your exit ramp off the highway, panicking is what causes accidents. Just keep driving ahead until you get to the next exit, then turn around and go back.”
Even if you’re on a detour from becoming the person you want to be and having the experiences you want to have, don’t lose the vision of your success. You can always turn around.
When you are asking yourself, “How do I turn myself around?” follow Oprah’s advice, “Don’t get overwhelmed by the big picture. The way through the challenge is to get still and to ask yourself, “What is the right next move and the right next move after that, and the right next move after that?, and so on. You know your life is bigger than that one moment. You know you are not defined by what somebody says is a failure for you because failure is just there to point you in a different direction.”
4. Take Care of Yourself First
Anyone who has ever flown on a commercial flight is familiar with the instructions given when preparing for take-off. Most of us have heard these instructions so many times that It’s kind of like listening to Charlie Brown’s teacher…”wha, wha, wha, wha, wha, wha, wha….”. We pay little attention to what is being said. We’re more interested in checking out the onboard food menus and movies and making sure the person next to us isn’t taking up more than their fair share of the arm rest.
So, I’m going to give you a little reminder here. You should listen… “Should the cabin lose pressure during the flight, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead bin. Secure your own mask before assisting others.”
Putting on your own mask first could be critical to your survival.
If we, as women don’t take care of ourselves, don’t make ourselves a priority…who will? We’re often so busy giving “oxygen” to everyone and everything else, we may be suffering from oxygen deprivation and not even know it.
If you deplete yourself, you won’t have anything to give anyone else. Love yourself more, by making yourself a priority in your own life.
5. Take Responsibility for Your Life
And that leads us to our last step…It’s a scary one, but needs to be taken.
If anything is going to move you forward or change in your life - YOU will have to be responsible for making that happen. Don’t wait for other people to do it, because no one cares about your life like you. Others may support you, but no one else will be as invested as you. Be responsible for the choices you’ve made and the life you are creating through those choices. Take the power that is yours by making choices for yourself. Don’t give away your agency by letting other’s choose for you. Be the master and creator of your own life.
This is by no means, is a complete list of steps you can take to loving yourself more, but it’s a good place to start.
Let us know in the comment section what has worked for you.
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