BREAKING THE SILENCE - The 4th Annual Summer Movie Review.

Trapped. Hiding dark secrets. The monster waits. Don’t make a sound. If they hear you, they’ll hurt you.

These chilling phrases are not tag lines from this summer’s blockbuster thriller or horror flicks.

They are the very real descriptions of what domestic violence victims live with.

They often feel trapped, forced to live in silence. Keeping the dark secrets about what happens behind closed doors. Hiding from the monster they know as domestic violence. Afraid what will happen if they use their voice.

This year we are taking a bit of a twist on our annual summer movie review. We’ve collected a sampling of TED talks from people who are using the power of their voices to break the silence of Domestic Violence/ Intimate Partner Violence.

We hope these TED talks will educate, inspire and empower you to be a voice for women and children who aren’t heard and remain in the silence of Domestic Violence.

(Trigger Warning: These videos may contain material that can be triggering to victims of Domestic Violence.)

1. “Silenced” This short film could very well be the back story for many survivor experiences.

2. I LEFT ON A TUESDAY

“I chose this topic because violence against women is still seen as a taboo and more specifically a ‘women’s issue’ when really, it is everyone’s problem. I would like to challenge you to dispel any stereotypes they may have about abuse. If I can help just one person free themselves of an abusive relationship with my words, then that would be one less person living in unjust suffering. In the words of Maya Angelou: ‘Each time a woman stands up for herself, she stands up for all women’.” Chiara Lisowski leaves us without words

3. WHY I STAYED, WHY I LEFT.

Through her talk Mada Tsagia-Papadakou shares how she got in an abusive relationship, why she stayed, how she left and how this dark side of her life, gave her the lights to pursue her work against violence and for defending women's rights.

4. THE COURAGE TO LEAVE

A powerful personal testimony from domestic abuse survivor Norah Casey on the complex and misunderstood reason why women stay in violent relationships. The real question, she says, is not why we stay but how do we leave. Having spoken to other domestic abuse survivors she charts what she believes are the four phases of an abusive intimate relationship from seduction to the final blow and the hardest (and most dangerous) part of all – having the courage to finally walk away.

I CHOOSE TO BE HER VOICE

Haylee Reay, describes how in a single day her life was brutally, and irrevocably, changed. Learn more about the seeping savagery of silence, and how you can save others by simply breaking it. Haylee Reay is an advocate for domestic violence awareness. She was born to two parents – one loving and one abusive. As a result, she was a victim of domestic violence at a young age. Since 2008 she has taken every opportunity to speak out to and on behalf of domestic violence victims

A MILE IN HER SHOES

Nobody chooses to be a victim of violent crime. Yet, when confronted with domestic or relationship violence, we commonly lay blame for the crime at the feet of the abused, rather than the abuser. Ryan explains how a simple change in our mindset can transform how we see the issue.

STOP SUFFERING IN SILENCE

Domestic abuse is no respecter of person, social class, colour or creed; this is the message that Marie Hanson brings to TED. She takes us through a moment of sheer terror when her abuser threatens to throw her baby out of the window. Forced to take refuge in her car with three small children, she has nowhere to turn. She eventually finds sanctuary in a shelter for women and discovers just how widespread the problem of domestic abuse is. Marie was eventually able to channel her own experience into support for other victims and their families and led to the foundation of her charity STORM.

FROM VICTIM TO SURVIVOR

The childhood trauma Lauren Book suffered robbed her of her childhood, but forced her to learn how to find her voice and rebuild her life with purpose…through her TED Talk, she challenges viewers to do what she’s been challenged to do through her journey from victim of physical, sexual and emotional abuse to struggling survivor and now thriver and internationally recognized advocate for change. Along the way, Lauren’s journey has often been three steps forward and ten steps back. Seeking to address and unearth the root cause of behaviors and decisions within her own life, and society’s take on child protection issues and child sexual abuse at large, Lauren explains how she found her driving force – her X – by choosing to face, instead of run from, some of her darkest places…and finding her (wh)Y?

#loveshouldnthurt #breakthesilence #bethevoice #silenced

Summer Bucket List

This is a reprint from a previous post but I thought it was worth sharing again. Hope you enjoy!

So here we are again... those lazy, hazy days of summer. Actually, I find there's not a lot of the lazy thing happening. The world keeps turning and some things never slow down and stop.- regardless of the season.

Like, violence against women.

Summer is a time when abuse and violence against women and children may escalate. Shelters often report an uptake in domestic violence during summer months. Stress due to children being around more, hot summer temperatures and an increase in alcohol and drug abuse can all add to an abusive partner's existing behaviour and may contribute to the need for shelter services.

I bet you're thinking, "What can be done during this time of year to keep the #loveshouldnthurt message moving forward?"

Funny you should ask, because I have an idea.

Why not create a violence prevention Summer Bucket List? A list of things that you, your friends and family can do to make a difference in your home, workplace and communities.

Here's a few ideas to get you started:

1. SPEAK UP!  At this time of year there are lots more social gatherings; BBQ's, pool parties, family picnics, get together's at the cottage and just relaxing with family and friends. No matter what the situation, it's never okay to speak about women in derogatory or demeaning ways. If you hear someone using abusive language or putting women down in any way...SPEAK UP! You can say something in a non-confrontational way. "It's wrong to speak about women that way. It's not okay."

Sometimes people just need to be reminded and you may be surprised by how many others feel the same way and were just waiting for someone like you to say something.

2. GET INVOLVED During Christmas and other holiday seasons, shelters receive much appreciated help through donations, supplies, gift cards and products for women and children. Shelters are often full to capacity during the summer resulting in an increased need for help from the community.

Get together with your family or neighbours to organize a garage sale and donate the proceeds to your local shelter. It can be a fun way to work together to benefit the lives of women and children.

3. LEARN NEW THINGS Take the time this summer to learn more about violence against women; how it impacts individuals, families and your community, and how you can help. Here's a great website with ideas on educating kids about gender equality, non violence and violence against women and girls. It's a great place to learn about those issues for yourself as well.

4. READ MORE  When you want to relax by the pool or the deck - take a book to read. Unwind with fiction, non-fiction, or any other type of read that you love, but for your Bucket List, choose ones that promote healthy relationships, respect and gender equality. Share your reading list with others.

These are just a few ideas to get you started with a Summer Bucket list that will make a difference for you and for others.

Share your list or ideas on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook - using the hashtag #loveshouldnthurt #loveshouldnthurtdurham

That's it for now - I don't want to keep you too long. You've got a bucket to fill.

Have a great and safe summer!!

#loveshouldnthurt #loveshouldnthurtdurham #summerbucketlist #summerholidays #summerideas

Nevertheless She Persisted

“She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless she persisted.” (Mitch McConnell banning Elizabeth Warren from speaking on the floor of the US Senate.)

I recently moved to a new home. As a housewarming gift, my son gave me a picture of women who have persisted throughout history to create real change. Across the bottom of the picture are the words, “Nevertheless She Persisted.” This quote became popular in 2017 after the United States Senate voted to silence Senator Elizabeth Warren's objections to confirmation of Senator Jeff Sessions as U.S. Attorney General. She was basically told to sit down and be quiet because the Republicans didn’t like her objections or what she had to say.

“How shocking and unusual!”, said no woman ever. Most women have experienced being “warned”, at some point in their lives, to sit down and be quiet. But like Elizabeth Warren, many women have understood their purpose to be bigger than themselves - which was the powerful motivator for their persistence.

I was so moved by this picture. The simple print, captured the names of a handful of women who were courageous and selfless enough, to stand up, lead out and make a difference.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, about women in my life who have used their persistence to create change for others.

Over a short period of time, I’ve experienced the passing of three wonderful, determined women. It’s been a time for reflection and pondering about the many amazing women that have influenced my life for good. Each one, combining the desire to stand for their beliefs and values, with determination and persistence. “No”, was not an excepted answer and never the end of the conversation.

It’s interesting to me and maybe not a coincidence, that I came across a documentary called “Five Awake”. The film documents the experience of a small group of determined women, fuelled by anger and outrage over yet another domestic homicide, which resulted in multiple, senseless murders. If you are looking to be inspired by what a small group of committed, persistent women can do, it’s definitely worth the watch.

As I watched the film, many women came to mind. Women who have been brave in the face of opposition, disappointment, discouragement and fear. “Nevertheless They Persisted”. I just want to say a great big “thanks!” to all women who are courageous and committed enough to persist and make real change happen. Sometimes your efforts have been quiet and in the background, going unnoticed in our busy, daily lives. Sometimes you were a part of a collective effort with other dedicated women, and sometimes you were on your own doing battle with the Goliath in your path.

“Thank You!” for all you do and have done!

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens (women) can change the world; indeed it’s the only thing that ever has.” Margaret Mead

Who are some of the persistent, determined, courageous women that you know? (Share in the comments below.)

HOW WE'LL WIN.

Quartz (qz.com), a digital business news publication, is taking a year-long look at the fight for gender equality and empowerment for women in the workplace, at home and beyond.

“How We’ll Win”, has been created as a series to reveal a clearer picture of gender equality through interviews, stories and live events with men and women who are willing to fight for a future that is equal for all.

“It’s a hard truth: The workplace is still not a level playing field. But in this unique cultural moment, women and their allies are opening up new dialogues and taking bold steps to improve their lives and livelihoods. Throughout 2019, Quartz will highlight how people are confronting injustices and the larger cultural landscape that makes the fight for gender equality more important than ever.” How We’ll Win 2019

Take a look for yourself. “How We’ll Win” is a collection of experiences, investigating and highlighting topics from Fighting for Equality, Becoming a Man, Closing the Gap, Life at Home and more. It’s fresh, fascinating, and filled with ideas and insights from courageous people who are making a difference in the fight for gender equality.

#loveshouldnthurt #genderequality #howwellwin

Anyone can be a victim of crime or unexpected tragedy.

“At Victim Services, we believe that the voices of victims of gender-based violence matter. We believe that victims deserve the highest quality of trauma-informed service, and support available; when this happens, victims can become survivors.” Kayla Yama, Clinical Director Victim Services of Durham Region

Victim Services of Durham Region (VSDR) assists individuals and their families in the immediate aftermath of crime or sudden unexpected tragedy. Operating 24 hours per day, 365 days per year, VSDR is the only service in the Durham Region providing immediate on-scene crisis, trauma, safety and mental health support services to victims of crime and sudden tragedies. Our programs provide crisis intervention, practical assistance, referrals for a wide range of programs, services and counselling. Services are flexible and portable. The immediacy of this service assists in mitigating the harmful effects of trauma on victim(s) and their loved ones.

Our services are tailored to the needs of each individual, and may include: mental health support, systems advocacy, financial assistance, safety planning, accompaniment, assistance in navigating bureaucracies (such as: Criminal Injuries Compensation, subsidized housing, ODSP, Ontario Works, child care services, Police, etc.).

The majority of our clients are victims of domestic violence and their children, survivors of sexual assault and human trafficking.

Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault are two of the most under-reported crimes in Canada. The fact that there are few convictions, and perpetrators often go free may influence a woman’s decision about reporting. VSDR is here to help take care of an individual’s needs and rights as a victim by providing information, support and assistance.

Human Trafficking (HT) is the fastest growing crime in Canada. VSDR provides highly specialized, HT services, including support, survivor intervention, and awareness and prevention strategies through our expert, Human Trafficking Crisis Intervention Counsellor.

Studies identify the best way to end human-trafficking and other forms of violence against women and girls, is to prevent it from happening in the first place. Effective prevention starts by educating and working with youth.

In partnership with Durham Regional Police Service (DRPS), VSDR has created a grade 9 education and awareness program for students throughout the Durham Region. These workshops are inclusive of youth culture and debunk widespread myths and misconceptions about human trafficking in Canada, in order to increase protective factors. The highly interactive training, uses current media through a survivor’s perspective, to bring to light the concerning epidemic of Human Trafficking in Durham Region.

Expanding upon our work with youth and in honor of Victims’ Week, VSDR and DRPS are hosting “The Antidote to Human Trafficking: A Youth Symposium”, to raise awareness of trafficking of youth. School educators and students grades 8 and up, will be equipped to understand the nuances of consent, gain a strong knowledge of trafficking in Durham, and what to do if you suspect this is happening to you or a friend.  The agenda for the day includes: a poetry slam, Ted Talks speaker Kim Katrin Milan, hearing from a survivor of human trafficking, and a workshop promoting online safety. We believe this symposium is vital to supporting young people’s mental and physical health. We are excited to raise awareness, and enable youth to understand and access critical resources and keep themselves safe. For this event, VSDR acknowledges the financial support of the Department of Justice Canada.  

To assist parents with HT awareness, Victim Services is hosting, “Human Trafficking: Parents and Prevention”, June 4, 2019, 6:00 -8:00 pm. The event will include information and awareness about human trafficking, practical tips to prevent youth from being trafficked and hearing from a survivor and a parent, both with lived-experience with human trafficking.  

Parents can register for this event on https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/human-trafficking-parents-and-prevention-tickets-60837132501

Special thanks to Kayla Yama, Clinical Director, Victims Services of Durham Region, for this guest post.

#victimservicesofdurhamregion #loveshouldnthurt #hereforyou #humantrafficking #help

Music of the Heart

“I think music in itself is healing. It’s an explosive expression of humanity. It’s something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we’re from, everyone loves music.” ― Billy Joel

We’ve shared lists of great movies meant to empower survivors, we’ve even shared some listen-worthy, podcasts…so of course our next step is to share a Survivor Playlist that we’ve put together to inspire, encourage and strengthen women.

There’s something about the power of music that can breathe new life into a woman who feels broken, giving her strength, hope, courage and confidence to do the things she never thought she could.

We’ve picked songs that we thought would help women remember who they are and just what they can accomplish. We hope that this playlist will influence positive change and provide a mirror to help women see themselves as the strong, beautiful, resourceful women they truly are.

SURVIVOR PLAYLIST:

INVINCIBLE - Kelly Clarkson

I DIDN’T KNOW MY OWN STRENGTH - Whitney Houston

FIGHT SONG - Rachel Platten

STRONGER - Kelly Clarkson

THIS IS ME - Keala Settle

YOU SAY - Lauren Daigle

WHO SAYS - Selena Gomez

BRAVE - Sara Bareilles

ONE WOMAN - Multiple Artists

I DON’T THINK ABOUT YOU - Kelly Clarkson

This list is by no means complete. What songs do you like to listen to when you are looking for courage and inspiration? Let us know so we can add it to the list.

As always we’d love it if you share this post!

#musicoftheheart #iamwoman #courage #survivorplaylist #loveshouldnthurt