7 Inspiring Films Every Woman (and Man) Should Watch This Summer

Here it is the middle of August and only 131 days until Christmas. (Sorry for that.) 

Last year at the beginning of the summer I did some reviews and gave suggestions on flicks that were focused on violence against women. So I thought that I'd make it an annual thing and keep it going. 

I apologize that it's a little later this year but there's still summer left, so here you go...

For the last while I have been working on the principle of being brave, so this year's films look through the lens of women's strength and courage.

You may be familiar with some of these films but I thought they're worth a replay. So put on some comfy caj, invite your gal pals over, (it would be great to let the men in your life watch too), get your favourite snacks and be prepared to be inspired.

Hmmmm....I think I feel like watching a movie now...

#1 THE ZOOKEEPER'S WIFE (Netflix)

A great, non-fiction story of keepers of the Warsaw Zoo, Antonina and Jan Zabinski, who smuggled hundreds of Jewish people out of the Warsaw Ghetto during the German invasion of Poland. After her husband is taken by the Nazis, Antonina is left to the extremely risky operation on her own.

#2 THE HELP (iTunes)

Set in civil rights Mississippi, The Help is a film about shared bravery and courage. A young, southern society girl returns from college, determined to make her mark as a writer. The focus of her first story?...Black maids who raise the children of prominent white families in her hometown.

A story that has it all...humanity, heartbreak and humour. 

#3 STILL ALICE (Netflix)

An award-winning film about a renowned, linguistics professor, wife and mother of three grown children who comes face to face with a devastating diagnosis of early-onset Alzheimer's Disease. The film gives a glimpse into the life of this strong and courageous woman and her family, as they battle heartbreak and fear through her struggles to hang onto a sense of self for as long as possible.

#4 NORTH COUNTRY (iTunes)

Inspired by a true story, this film captures the courage and fearlessness of Josey Aimes, a single, divorced mom who needs a "man's pay" to take care of her family. She goes to work at a local iron mine, where she and a handful of other female miners endure sexual harassment from male co-workers. She filed and won the USA's first-ever, class action lawsuit for sexual harassment.

#5 MOANA (Netflix)

Not just another love struck Disney princess, Moana is a young, courageous girl who takes on a journey to rescue her home, family and village. The adventure includes overcoming many obstacles and helps her to become a "master way finder". ("Way finding is not just sails and knots...it's seeing where you are going in your mind and knowing where you are by where you've been.") 

#6 HIDDEN FIGURES (iTunes)

This film centres on three African-American women whose brilliant mathematical and scientific minds are integral to the success of John Glen's orbit of the earth and beating the Soviet Union into space.  At a time when Virginia's segregation laws are still very much adhered to...the women consistently out-think their higher-ranked (usually white, male) colleagues at NASA, "whether by learning a new programming language, solving problems in wind-tunnel experiments, or calculating narrow launch windows for space missions. Each is uniquely aware of the broader stakes of her success—for other women, for black people, for black women, and for America at large—and this knowledge is as much an inspiration as it is a heavy weight." The Atlantic

#7 Pink (Netflix)

A drama about privilege, power, courage and fighting back because when a woman says "no" she means "no". No matter what culture, country or language. She has the right to govern her own body and sexuality.

Do YOU have any suggestions for best movies about women, courage and bravery? Let me know how you liked these.

World Elder Abuse Awareness Day - June 15, 2017

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For the first time in Canadian history, there are as many seniors in Canada as there are young people.  

The fact that Canadians are not only getting older but are also living longer, should trigger conversations and action, focused on the challenges this phenomenon is causing. We need discussions about what to do to prepare for the future.

Conversations need to include how best to serve the growing needs of an aging population, the types of services that will be needed, the support families will require and support and training that will be necessary for community supports to function properly.

Unfortunately, with this growth in the senior population we also see an increase in elder abuse - something that no one wants to think about or consider. But an issue that we need to face because it's REAL.

Elder abuse comes in many forms, with the most common being financial, emotional and physical. Often more than one type of abuse occurs at the same time. 

Elder abuse frequently takes place where the senior lives. It is estimated that 1 in 10 older adults experience some form of abuse in their life. Common signs of abuse to look for may include; confusion, depression, anxiety, unexplained injuries, changes in hygiene and displaying fear around certain people.

Elder abuse can happen to any older adult regardless of financial status, race, religion or sexual orientation.

With Durham residents living longer, older baby boomers are finding themselves having to care for elderly parents or taking on the difficult task of finding a long-term care facility. This added responsibility often adds extra strain and stress onto already highly stressful family and work situations. This doesn't excuse the abuse - it just means that there may be more frequent cases. 

The situation is not going to go away, it is only going to grow...faster than most of us realize. We need to start conversations about how to manage and create a better future for the care of our seniors - which by the way, will one day be us.

Do you think the issue of an increased aging population affects you and your family? How will you start the conversation?

The BEST Way to Prevent Children From Going Missing

Finally, the sunshine is appearing and with it a hope for warmer weather and the summer we've all been craving. Young people (and teachers) everywhere are doing the countdown to the end of school when they'll finally be able to do their version of the "Happy" dance.

As the end of the school year approaches it is the perfect time to talk to the kids in your life about the importance of keeping safe with the Buddy System. It's a system that's never outdated and is always effective no matter how old they are. As a matter of fact it may be even more crucial for those who are teens.

A recent study from the Canadian Centre for The Protection of Children titled "Abducted Then Murdered Children; A Canadian Study: (Preliminary Results), closely examined 147 cases between 1970 and 2010 highlighted the following facts about the importance of the Buddy System:

  • In 68% of these cases, the child was alone when abducted
  • 41% of the abductions occurred in June, July or August
  • Across all age groups, 53% were last seen between the hours of 3:30 pm to 10:00 pm
  • 45% occurred on a Friday or Saturday
  • 67% were in-transit at the time of abduction (ie: walking, biking) such as travelling to school, a friend's house, or nearby park or mall
  • The study revealed that being alone was one of the most significant risk factors for abduction

How Can You Help?

  1. Talk with your kids of all ages about the Buddy System.
  2. Reinforce the importance of the Buddy System on Social Media by sharing this post.
  3. Sign up for Missing Kids Alert at www.missingkidsalert.ca
  4. Check out www.protectchildren.ca for more ways to get involved with keeping kids of all ages safe.

Something as simple and easy as the Buddy System could mean a big difference for those you care about it. Take the few minutes to talk about it with them to ensure they have a safe and happy summer. 

Have you ever had an experience where the Buddy System protected you or someone you know?

SHOCKING NUMBERS!

There are some things that are sure to shock you. Like putting your finger in an electrical socket. Or the incredibly high price of cauliflower at your local grocery store. Or a scary movie scene. You know something awful is going to happen by the sinister feeling of suspense created by the crescendoing music, and yet you still jump. 

Something else that is really shocking: the stats on Sexual Assault in Canada.

A Numerical Representation of the Truth

  • Of every 100 incidents of sexual assault, only 6 are reported to the police
  • 1 - 2% of "date rape" sexual assaults are reported to the police
  • 1 in 4 North American women will be sexually assaulted during their lifetime
  • 11% of women have physical injury resulting for sexual assault
  • Only 2 - 4% of all sexual assaults reported are false reports
  • 60% of sexual abuse/assault victims are under the age of 17
  • over 80% of sex crime victims are women
  • 80% of sexual assault incidents occur in the home
  • 17% of girls under 16 have experienced some form of incest
  • 83% of disabled women will be sexual assaulted during their lifetime
  • 15% of sexual assault victims are boys under 16
  • half of all sexual offenders are married or in long term relationships
  • 57% of aboriginal women have been sexually abused
  • 1/5th of all sexual assaults involve a weapon of some sort
  • 80% of assailants are friends and family of the victim

The above noted statistics have been taken from various studies across Canada. While the numbers can never been 100% accurate, a few key generalizations can made:

  1. sexual assault is far more common than most would suspect
  2. relatively few incidents of sexual assault are reported to the police
  3. young and otherwise vulnerable women are most likely to be sexually abused
  4. most sexual assaults are committed by someone close to the victim, not a stranger 

**Note: These Stats have been taken from: www.sexualassault.ca

Please take the time to share this post and let everyone know that May is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. And tell us if you are shocked at the stats on Sexual Assault in Canada.

You can get more information about how to help, or how to get help at: 

www.vpccdurham.org/sexual-assault  or  https://drcc.ca

May is Sexual Assault Awareness Month

The Violence Prevention Coordinating Council of Durham (VPCC) is dedicating this month to raising awareness of issues related to sexual violence and promoting ways to prevent and end sexual assault.

We want to have conversations about challenging rape culture, victim blaming, sexual violence on and off campus, stats and myths, and what you can do to help.

Begin the month with us by going to http://www.vpccdurham.org/sexual-assault for more information. Leave your comments below if you want to see change when it comes to sexual violence or if you are a survivor who wants to speak out, ask questions or if you are looking for help.

BOYS WILL BE BOYS?

By Mary Widdicks  - Original Post April 14, 2016, Washington Post/ On Parenting 

There is a lot of focus right now on the language we use when talking to and about our daughters. My social media news feed is filled with articles warning me of the subtle influence my words have on my daughter’s well-being. I shouldn’t call her “princess” because she might end up spoiled and entitled. I shouldn’t tell her she’s pretty because she might grow up thinking her looks define her worth. I shouldn’t buy her dolls because this implicitly discourages her from focusing on her career and thus condemns her to a domestic life, like her mother.

While I appreciate the impact that a patriarchal culture has on the social expectations we instill, conscious or not, in our daughters, this represents only half the equation. The vernacular surrounding young boys is equally guilty of propagating the aggressive and unpleasant male behaviors often complained about within these same articles. If the language with which we surround our daughters shapes their social identity, than the same is true for that with which we surround our sons.

As a mother of two boys, I have heard the phrase “boys will be boys” approximately 4,000 times. At first I shrugged it off as an innocuous cliche that other parents of sons used to bond with each other, the kind of knee-jerk reaction people have when they see a little girl and say “Isn’t she cute?” It wasn’t until my own son started acting out aggressively that I realized how dismissive and dangerous a phrase it really was.

My son has always been big for his age, and would often stand a full head taller than the other children in his various activities. He was built like a linebacker, but had always been a gentle giant. Until out of nowhere, my sweet boy started pushing other children at the playground, hip-checking his classmates to get to the front of the line, and lashing out violently at the slightest provocation. I couldn’t understand what had changed.

Was it his reaction to his new baby brother? 

An unfortunate phase he was going through? 

Rabies? 

I had no idea, which also meant I had no idea how to fix the problem.

Boys will be boys. 

These mollifying words would make things simpler, wouldn’t they? It would no longer be my responsibility to change his behavior; it’s just his Y chromosome acting up. The temptation to place the blame on his gender and wash my hands of any guilt or culpability was overwhelming.

Boys will be boys. 

And walk away.

But I didn’t. I refused to accept that my son would always have a violent streak simply because he was a boy. Why was I bothering to parent him if his behavior was predetermined at birth? No, there was another reason for his actions, and I was desperate to find it.

[It’s never too early to teach your child about consent and boundaries]

I watched him closely over the next few weeks and noticed that he only reacted aggressively to children who invaded his personal space: children who crowded him in line, reached across him to grab a toy, or artfully dodged him at the last minute. He flinched every time like they were tiny fireballs waiting to burn him. Then he’d push, but not out of malice. It wasn’t just boys being boys. He was panicking, but didn’t know how to find the words to tell anyone. He felt powerless and was resorting to his physical dominance to regain balance.

It broke my heart to think that I was so close to dismissing his pain and confusion as his male weakness and moving on, leaving him to fend for himself.

I taught him about personal space and how he had the right to ask other children to respect his. I taught him to use his words forcefully if he felt threatened, giving him back some of his control. Finally, I explained that any sign of pushing or “using mean touches” with the other children would result in immediate removal from the activity and a time-out at home. My boy would not end up a bully.

Within a couple weeks, the incidents with other children diminished. He still flinched when children ran up to him too quickly, but I saw him slowly starting to use words like “that’s too close” and “excuse me” when he was feeling anxious. I even heard a very loud “NOOOOO” when a little girl tried to push past him in line. He wasn’t exactly the most polite child in the gym, but at least he wasn’t pushing.

I taught him to believe that his words were just as strong as his body, and not to rely on his brute force to solve his problems.

Boys will be boys. 

The explanation that had seemed so harmless would have completely missed the root of his aggression, and the fact that it had nothing to do with his being a boy. He was frightened and unhappy. He felt powerless, and my attempt to defend and excuse him based on his gender would have left him stranded that way.

My first reaction will always be to protect my children, but sometimes the best way to protect them from future harm is to force them to face their current fears. Of course boys will continue to be boys. All children will fight and occasionally act out aggressively from time to time, and mine is no different. However, accepting these developmental speed bumps is not the same as tolerating them. We do not have allow our sons to behave like little monsters instead of little gentlemen.

As parents, it is not our job to placate our children or absolve their behavior. Our kids aren’t perfect. They can do wrong, and they will, whether they’re boys or girls. Our responsibility is to teach them how to make the world a better place, starting with themselves.

Mary Widdicks is mom to two boys and a baby girl and freelance writer. She blogs at OutmannedMommy.com.  You can find her on FacebookTwitter and Pinterest.

 

Pornography in Canada. Does it affect your health?

First study in 30 years by Parliament to look at effects and potential health risks of pornography in Canada. Results to be reported by July 2017.

First study in 30 years by Parliament to look at effects and potential health risks of pornography in Canada. Results to be reported by July 2017.

A unanimous vote in the House of Commons on December 21, 2016, points to evidence that pornography is having an impact on the health of Canadians. It seems that the  issue is important enough for the Standing Committee on Health to conduct a study on the public health effects of online, violent and degrading pornography on children, women and men.

Motion 47 (M-47) was introduced by Arnold Viersen, MP for Peace River - Westlock. According to Viersen, pornography is a public health concern. "It's not just about individual, private choices. Many studies have already demonstrated that there are serious impacts on the health of those who watch pornography by actually re-wiring their mental pathways...and embedding abusive views of women in their psyche.  Adolescents who view pornography are six times more likely to self-report engaging in sexually-aggressive behaviour, and almost 90% of mainstream sexually explicit content features violence against women, including hitting, rape and verbal abuse."

Read more

"Worldwide revenue from pornography is $57 billion, which is more than Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo or Apple." Conservative MP-Lethbridge, Rachael Harder told the House of Commons..."It is having a significant impact on how boys grow up perceiving women and treat them during adulthood." 

So why, are we sharing this two-month old news with you?

Because this year the (VPCC) has committed to increase awareness and education on the issues and impact of sexual violence against women, and we need to pay attention to the results of this study. Also, our very own Colin Carrie, MP for Oshawa, is the Conservative Chair of the Standing Committee on Health.  You can email to tell him your thoughts on the study at:  colin.carrie@parl.gc.ca

**Thanks to Parents Aware for their blog post. Read more...

So what do you think? Does pornography affect the health of Canadians?

 

 

The Power to Make A Difference

The enormous power to change a corner of the world is within your own homes.

Ahhh.....Valentine's Day. A day of romance, hugs, kisses, flowers and of course chocolate.

(Insert record screeching to a halt, here...)

In many homes and relationships this is the stuff of fairy tales. It's what you see on television or in the movies. There are countless numbers of individuals in our communities that never know the feeling of safety and love within the walls of their own home.

So how can we make a difference?

There's never been a time when building a strong foundation of love within our families has been more important. Our family members are bombarded by so much negativity in the news, at school, the workplace and the world in general. We need to make fortifying our homes a necessary priority. Here are a few simple ways:

  1. Treat each other with compassion, love and respect - not just on Valentine's Day but in our day-to-day interactions.
  2. Remember it's the little things that count. Parents, be examples of service to each other, your children and your community.
  3. Fathers...love your children's mother. It shows your true strength and it is the most important thing you can do for your children. The way you treat your wives and women in your life could have the greatest impact on your sons and daughters. If a father is guilty of inflicting any kind of abuse on his wife, his children will resent him for it and likely follow the same pattern of abuse.
  4. Show them you love them. You can tell them all you want but they know the truth by your actions.
  5. Make your home a safe place to share emotions, thoughts and feelings.

Lastly....

"Love is the remedy for ailing families, ill communities and sick nations. Love is a smile, a wave, a kind comment and a compliment. Love is sacrifice, service and selflessness." Thomas S. Monson

It's not hard to make a difference for those that really matter in your life. Strengthen your little corner of the world with love and have a Happy Valentine's Day!

What do you think about the idea that strengthening your family can actually make a difference in the world?

 

UNFOUNDED in Durham

        Can't think of how to show a little love to the women in                                             your life?…

        Can't think of how to show a little love to the women in                                             your life?

            How about giving a novel idea...BELIEVE THEM! 

 

UN-FOUND-ED:

Having no foundation or basis in fact. Synonyms: baseless, groundless, unsubstantiated, unproven, unsupported without basis, without foundation.

Leading up to Valentine's Day, The Globe and Mail released a 20-month long investigative report that revealed in Canada police dismiss 1 out of every 5 sexual assault reports as "unfounded". This basically means that police believe the crime didn't happen.

Not a very romantic notion - but an excellent report and the most comprehensive review of sexual-assault rates ever conducted in Canada.

The Globe reported that when Canadian police officers complete an investigation, they use a closure code to show the outcome. "The code "unfounded" indicates that the officer does not believe a crime was attempted or committed. Once a case is coded as unfounded it virtually disappears from public record. The case is never reported to Stats Canada which has huge implications for police and victim services funding." (Unfounded: Will the Police Believe You?)

"The Globe's findings suggest that police in Canada are closing a disproportionate number of rape cases as unfounded, a phenomenon that distorts the country's crime statistics" (Unfounded: How police and politicians have responded to The Globe’s investigation so far. Feb. 11, 2017, The Globe and Mail)

See Video:

The Globe sent out nearly 250 freedom of information requests to 178 police services to obtain confidential unfounded data from 1,119 police jurisdictions across the country. They received responses from 873 jurisdictions, representing 92 per cent of the Canadian population.

The unfounded sexual-assault rate in Canada from 2010 to 2014 is 19 per cent. That means 27,740 of 143,053 allegations have been screened out of the justice system.  Experts say that these high stats are a symptom of a broken system.

Get the full article here: 

You can even find out the unfounded rate where you live. Go to the link above and just scroll down until the field appears at the top of your screen. Enter your city, town or county name to get the stats of unfounded cases in your area.

The 5-year unfounded sexual assault rate for Durham Region is 24 per cent. That means 533 of 2,189 allegations were dismissed as never happening.

No wonder the majority of women affected by sexual-assault don't report. These stats are high compared to the national average of 19 per cent. 

"Every year, an average of 5,500 people (across Canada) are reporting sexual violence to Canadian police, but their cases are dropping out of the system as unfounded long before a Crown prosecutor, judge or jury has a chance to weight in."  (Unfounded: Why Police Dismiss 1 in 5 Sexual-Assault Claims As Baseless, Feb. 3, 2017)

What Experts Say Can Be Done Better:

Robin Dolittle, The Globe's lead reporter for this study spoke with educators, criminologists, trauma experts and lawyers who offered clear ideas about what should be done to address the issues raised by the Unfounded investigation:

  • Statistics Canada should release unfounded statistics.
  • Police forces should adopt better standardized protocols for how police should handle sex-assault cases.
  • Police should be better taught how to interview sexual-assault survivors, such as interviewing them a few days after the incident, when their memories are clearer, instead of immediately after.
  • There should be better and more consistent oversight of how police forces deal with sexual assault.

There are even stats showing an improved effect when female police officers are investigating the cases.

"Some advocates are urging Canada to adopt the so-called Philadelphia Model, a 17-year-old initiative in which women’s advocates do annual reviews of sexual-assault case files with high-ranking officers. Since adopting that model, the U.S. city has slashed its unfounded rate from 18 per cent to about 4 per cent."     (Unfounded: How police and politicians have responded to The Globe’s investigation so far. Feb. 11, 2017, The Globe and Mail)

Another action that can be taken is to write your Police Services Board, requesting that they undertake a comprehensive review of all non-investigated sexual-assault claims in their jurisdiction.

Since the date of The Globe and Mail's report, several Police Boards have committed to reviewing unfounded cases for investigation. 

"Within a week of the Unfounded investigation’s debut, more than 30 police forces representing more than 1,000 communities had announced investigations into sexual-assault cases that were deemed “unfounded.” More are likely to follow after the Canadian Association of Chiefs of Police urged “all police services to review practices around sexual-assault investigations.”  Let's hope that Durham Regional Police Service is one of those looking to review their practices.   (Unfounded: How police and politicians have responded to The Globe's investigation so far. Feb. 11, 2017, The Globe and Mail)

What action(s) do you think should take place to lower the stats of "Unfounded" sexual-assault cases?

 

A Little Soap Goes a Long Way

I don't think I need to tell you what a tragic week it has been for refugees, immigrants, the Canadian Muslim community and people all over the world. 

Our thoughts and prayers go to the individuals and families affected by those who were gunned down at a Quebec City mosque on Sunday night.

To those who have been delayed and maybe even denied finding freedom from oppression, murder and other ravages of war by the US Executive Order on Immigration, we want you to know that we stand with you as Canadians who will speak loudly for the world to hear. We oppose intolerance wherever and whenever we see it.

Promoting stories that stand in contrast to every lie that is being perpetuated about refugees and immigrants is a powerful tool for us to use. We need to share positive stories of refugees and immigrants as widely as we can. We need to stop the fear by sharing truth about what Canadians have gained from welcoming refugees and newcomers to Canada.

There are many other ways you can help as well:   

  • Make a donation to one of the several funds that have been set up to help surviving family members
  • Contact a refugee organization to see where your help is needed IE: www.ccrweb.ca www.islamicreliefcanada.org/Refugees   ‎  www.canadahelps.org/‎     

On another note...as this is the last day of Human Trafficking Awareness Month (2017), I wanted to share a positive experience of another group of oppressed and silenced individuals.

We can do a lot for any group who are victims. Whether it be victims of oppression, abuse, murder or unjust and unlawful use of power...a little bit of soap can go a long way.

Pre-Living the Life

Ahhhh! It is over.

Everything is cleaned up. Tree and decorations are put away. Clutter has been disposed of and everything feels fresh. I’m ready to begin again.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s not that I don’t enjoy the holiday season; it’s just that I really like the feeling of getting ready to start something new. To begin again. To have a “clean slate” in front of me. It’s the feeling I get when I open a fresh notebook. The empty pages are filled with possibilities.

Natasha Bedingfield says it best in her song, “Unwritten”.

I am unwritten.

Can’t read my mind, I’m undefined.

I’m just beginning. The pen’s in my hand. Ending unplanned.

….Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten.

Despite the cold, wintry weather and the fact that I’d rather be on a sunny beach somewhere, I love the feelings that January brings.

Some people like to make resolutions for the upcoming year. Some think it’s a waste of time, knowing that they will only break them within a few days or weeks. Some make resolutions without really thinking about what they are and how powerful they can be.

I’m a resolution maker, only because it gives hope for a better me, optimism for a better future and it’s an  excuse to get a new planner and notebook.

January was actually named after Janus, a Roman god of doors and beginnings. Janus had an interesting characteristic: he had two faces.  With one face, he looked back over the past year to review his mistakes and his successes. With the other face, he looked into the future to make plans for the new year, and to consider what he needed to do to experience success.

It’s interesting to think how similar we are to Janus…except that most of us don’t have two heads. We can look back to review our past and we can look ahead to determine what our future will be like.

How exciting that by taking time to create a vision we can “pre-live our lives”. January can be a time when we dream of a new year full of possibilities and plan for more satisfaction and success.  We can create a vision of what we want our futures to look like. We can “pre-live” the things that we will accomplish and the person that we’ll become.

So. do it! Even if it hasn’t worked out in the past; you’re older and wiser now. Go get a new planner and a new notebook.  Write down the things that you loved about last year, the experiences that made you stronger and where you want to improve. Then “look” into the future. “Pre-live” your life for 2017 by envisioning what you want to have happen. Create your plans and then commit to do what it takes to make them a reality.

What’s your “pre-lived” life and resolutions for 2017? Are you a resolution maker or do you think it's a waste of time?

A REALITY OF CHRISTMAS...

A Happy Christmas Shouldn't Be Taken For Granted

Domestic violence is never okay, least of all at Christmastime.

 17/11/2016 12:51 PM AEDT | Updated 27/11/2016 6:04 AM AEDT

·    Cathy ZervosRelationship counsellor, manager at BaptistCare Relationship Services

When most people think about special occasions such as Christmas, it usually conjures up fond memories. Granted it can be a stressful period for a lot of parents tasked with what feels like a never-ending cycle of cooking, cleaning and buying presents. But at the end of the day, most anticipate it being a joyful occasion. A time we spend with our loved ones; a time for giving, enjoying great food, and the magic of the holiday season. Children, especially, build up so much excitement as Christmas gets closer and closer.

Sadly, this is not the case for all families.

The reality for many at Christmastime is starkly different. Families living with domestic violence face much anxiety and uncertainty at this time of year. While it may be hard to imagine this reality, we have the opportunity to shine a light on and talk about family violence, something that is, too often, hidden behind the veil of private, 'family' business.

I frequently see women living with violence who will do everything in their power to create a peaceful and nurturing environment, particularly at Christmastime. In wanting to maintain an intact family and shield their children from the impact of the abuse, they may stay in an unsafe situation, despite their better instincts telling them that they should leave. Leaving, however, creates greater risk of escalating violence. There are no easy choices here.

Abuse and violence is very different from regular relationship conflict. Rather than negotiating differences and reaching compromise, it is the intentional abuse of one person's power to disadvantage or disempower another. Happiness and excitement are replaced by grief and terror. Children come to associate special occasions with dread and anxiety.

The added stress and pressures experienced by people who are living with domestic violence often heighten. Whilst maintaining an appearance of celebration and happiness, victims live with the fear, uncertainty and unpredictability of violence and abuse. They fear for the emotional and often physical safety of their children, living in a constant state of stress - stress that their children feel instinctively.

Christmas is traditionally a time of increased consumption of alcohol, contributing to greater volatility and stress. The level of tension experienced by families in this situation is extremely anxiety provoking. It stretches a victim's ability to cope to its limits and a child's challenging behaviours are a clear signal of the stress and volatility that they are exposed to.

Domestic violence is not okay at any time of the year and Christmas is no exception. I cannot emphasize enough that the pressures of Christmas never justify or cause the violence. What we must never lose sight of is that a perpetrator of violence always has a choice and is responsible for their use of controlling, coercive and violent behaviour.

 

Annual Conference to Examine Sexual Violence in Durham Region

Durham Regional Police Service (DRPS) and The Violence Prevention Coordinating Council of Durham (VPCC) have partnered for the third year to bring community leaders together in the fight to end Violence Against Women.

The conference, “In Our Backyard: The Reality of Sexual Violence in Durham Region,” will be held on November 17, 2016 in Oshawa.  It will be a meeting of community partners who regularly interact with victims of sexual violence, including police, crown attorneys, community agencies, health professionals and educators.

Participants will learn from leading experts, specialists, frontline workers and Timea Nagy, a survivor of sex-trafficking and author of “Memoirs of a Sex Slave Survivor”.  The conference will cover emerging trends in human trafficking, sexual assault on our campuses and in our communities, as well as sexual violence for our senior population and best practices to improve supports and results for survivors. 

Minister Tracy MacCharles, Minister responsible for Women’s Issues, will attend the Conference and provide opening remarks. Minister MacCharles received a mandate from Premier Wynne in 2014, to continue Ontario’s work to end violence against women. She has been instrumental in the release of “It’s Never Okay: An Action Plan to Stop Sexual Violence & Harassment, released in March 2015 and the Ontario Strategy to End Human Trafficking, released in June. She also works with the permanent violence against women roundtable, which provides advice to government on issues of gendered violence.

“The impact of sexual violence, harassment and exploitation on survivors and their families can be devastating and last generations,” says Tracy MacCharles, Minister Responsible for Women’s Issues. “Change is possible and we must work together to ensure everyone can live in safety.”

“This conference is of particular importance for our community.” says Sandra McCormack, Executive Director of The Denise House, an Emergency Shelter for Women and Children. “Sexual Violence in its many forms is a serious problem in our region. Minister MacCharles’ request for community leaders to help bring about change, is a timely one. Now more than ever, we need to look at ways to stop sexual violence before it starts. We need to come together to consider what’s taking place in Durham – in our own backyard, and the action required to end it.”

Date:  November 17, 2016

Location: The Jubilee Pavilion & Conference Centre, 55 Lakeview Park Ave, Oshawa

Special Guest: Minister Tracy MacCharles, Minister Responsible for Women’s Issues

Time: Conference takes place from 8:00 a.m. to 4:30p.m. with Minister MacCharles speaking at 8:40 a.m.

For more information contact info@vpccdurham.org or call 905-728-4968

Sexual Violence Conference 2016

IN OUR BACKYARD: THE REALITY OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE IN DURHAM REGION

Durham Regional Police Service and the Violence Prevention Coordinating Council of Durham are co-hosting a Sexual Violence Conference, November 17, 2016.

Timea Nagy, Author: "Memoirs of a Sex Slave Survivor and Founder: Walk with Me will be among the many presenters, specialists and experts who will guide us through an exploration of topics, causes, effects and strategies for preventing and combating sexual violence and human trafficking that's taking place right here..."In Our Backyard".

Register at: info@vpccdurham.org         Registration Fee: $50.00 early  $55.00 at the door (registration includes: continental breakfast, refreshments and lunch)

For more information or to register contact: info@vpccdurham.org

So Absurd...It Could Almost Be Funny

We live in a world where sexual assault is dismissed with jokes, excuses, and minimal criminal punishment with time off for "good behaviour" as the price to pay.

Rape culture is an environment where sexual violence is both normalized and excused, and where victims are often blamed for the crimes committed against them.  It includes the objectification of women's bodies and the glamorization of sexual violence, creating a society that disregards women's rights and safety.

Victim blaming is also part of rape culture. Victim blaming reinforces that it is the victim's fault and makes it harder for the victim to come forward and report the assault. There's often confusion around victim blaming and its damaging effects - so just in case you are unsure what it looks like, watch this video.

 

Be clear: It is never the victim's fault! 

Murder is murder and rape is rape.

 

 

Beat the Heat: 5 Eye-Opening Movies to Watch From Home

Summer movie season is here and hotly-anticipated blockbusters are hitting the theatres. But before you join the hoards of moviegoers there are some great. eye-opening flicks to see from the comfort of your own home.

These films are documentary shockers made up of real-life experiences, speaking to issues around violence against women. While some include disturbing subject matter, all offer candid disclosure about serious topics that will leave you with a whole new perspective.   

All of the films are available on Netflix except for The Invisible War, which you can find on YouTube and the link provided below.

The Invisible War (2012) 

Director: Kirby Dick

An investigative and powerfully emotional film about the epidemic of rape of soldiers within the US military, the institutions that perpetuate and cover up its existence, and its profound personal and social consequences. (IMDb)

 

The Hunting Ground (2015)

Director: Kirby Dick

An expose of rape crimes on US college campuses, their institutional cover-ups and the devastating toll they take on students and their families. (IMDb)

She's Beautiful When She's Angry (2014)

Director: Mary Dore

This film tells the story of the brilliant, brave and often outrageous women who founded the feminist movement of the 1960's.  They said 'the personal is political' and made a revolution in the bedroom, in the workplace, in all spheres of life.  Called threatening by the FBI, yet ignored in many histories, these women changed the world. (IMDb)

The Mask You Live In (2015)

Director: Jennifer Siebel Newsom

Explores how our culture's narrow definition of masculinity is harming boys, men and society at large and unveils what we can do about it. (IMDb)

Miss Representation (2011)

Director: Jennifer Siebel Newsom

Explores the under-representation of women in positions of power and influence in America and challenges the media's limited portrayal of what it means to be a woman. (IMDb)